


The Incident Report

by blythechild



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Animal Transformation, Bad Decisions, Crack, Cute, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Fluff, Friendship, Fun, Gen, Magic, Mistakes, Oops, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8188235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blythechild/pseuds/blythechild
Summary: Morgan and Emily discover that there's no good way to write up a report about turning your partner into a sheep. This is a work of fanfiction and as such I do not claim ownership over the characters herein. It was created as a personal amusement. This story is suitable for all readers.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deejaymil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deejaymil/gifts).



> This story was inspired by [THIS drabble by Deejaymil](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8178025/chapters/18754882). Go read it first because a) it's delightful, and b) mine doesn't make any sense without it.
> 
> I also drew Lamb!Reid. It's [HERE.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12053148)

Emily and Morgan typed furiously at adjoining desks, their keyboard clacks unnaturally loud in the subdued bullpen. Morgan paused and then pushed his chair away from the desk with a frustrated sigh.

“This is impossible. _Impossible._ There’s no way for me to make this sound professional. I’ll get laughed out of law enforcement. I’ll have to move back to Chicago and live with Mom…”

Emily gave him a look that was half exasperation and half determination. “Calm down, drama llama, no one’s reverting to a Windy City Momma’s Boy over this. Just… fill in the bare minimum.”

“I _am!_ But it’s the same ridiculous sentence over and over again!” Morgan waved at the computer monitor. “Event description: Reid turned into a sheep. Event endpoints: Reid is a sheep. Action items as a result of the event (if any): Find a way to make Reid not a sheep. I sound like a lunatic! The only thing that isn’t screwed up is the date…”

A soft ‘baa’ came from somewhere at his feet and Morgan’s frame melted from angry right angles into gentle curves as he reached down between his knees and gave the lamb a gentle scrunch behind the ears. The lamb looked up, eyes clearly inhuman, but Morgan felt certain that he could see Reid’s trademark bashful glance as the animal leaned into his fingers slightly.

“Sorry, kid,” he murmured. “We’ll figure this out. I swear.”

Emily watched them for a moment. “Wow. He really likes that. Maybe being livestock invalidates the touch phobia somehow.”

Reid trotted out from under Morgan’s desk and headbutted Emily in the calf. He made a mewling noise that was probably supposed to come off as indignant. “Hey, manners, Spence…” She reached down and picked him up, scooping him and all of his uncoordinated hooves into her lap. The tie really looked ridiculous on him, not that ties didn’t _always_ look ridiculous on him… “Well, I gotta say, you’re pretty cute this way. And portable. You’re almost handbag-sized. You know, if I was the sort of broad who carried around a handbag.”

Reid turned and bleated once, loudly. There was no mistaking that one - it was definitely a four-letter word. Emily grinned and stroked one of his ears. If a lamb could pout then he was doing it, while also leaning into the touch unconsciously. Emily chuckled and looked back to Morgan.

“Listen, just… dress up the statements a little. Like, instead of ‘Reid turned into a sheep’ say ‘While researching resources for an ongoing investigation Dr. Reid came into contact with evidence of unknown provenance that had an unforeseen transmogrifying effect on him’.”

Reid almost looked like he nodded in agreement in Emily’s lap. Morgan just stared at them.

“That’s twenty-five words to say ‘Reid turned into a sheep’.”

Emily growled and swiveled both her and Reid back towards her computer. “What do you want me to say, Derek? We turned our friend into a barnyard animal. We’re gonna have to pay the piper on this one.”

“ _We_ didn’t do anything,” Morgan leaned forward, irritation bringing out the lines in his face. “ _He_ did it. He’s like a toddler, but with books - everything he sees goes straight into his head…”

Reid turned in Emily’s lap and stared at Morgan. Then he started shaking miserably. 

“Now look at what you did,” Emily grumbled and cuddled Reid a little closer. “Don’t you think his day has been bad enough already? Just wait until he realizes that if we can’t fix this he’ll never get to wear another sweater again.”

The bleat Reid made at that was pathetically mournful. Then, miraculously, Garcia showed up. She was all exuberance and breathlessness until she saw Reid in Emily’s lap and began cooing almost uncontrollably. 

“Oh, Little Lost Reid-y…” She tickled him under his chin and for the first time he backed away from the attention. “You know, when you guys first brought me in on this weirdness I was _made_ of questions, but now I can’t get over how CUTE he is. Oh! I bet he’d fit into my purse! I could start a new thing - pocket lambs! Wow, it even sounds great, doesn’t it?”

Reid began to tremble against Emily violently, eyes wide.

“Okay, okay,” Emily soothed. “Got anything for us, Garcia?”

“Oh… yeah I do. I found a professor who specializes in witchcraft history and folklore. I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I think he knows what _this_ …” Garcia made an airy gesture around Reid. “Is all about.”

“Why aren’t you sure?” Morgan asked.

“Well, ummm, ‘cause he only speaks Lithuanian. Babelfish can only take me so far, that’s why I rushed on over here. I don’t suppose that you’re up on your Slavic languages, are you, Emily?”

“Russian yes, Lithuanian no. But Reid speaks Lithuanian…” She looked at Reid and he sat up a little straighter.

Garcia hesitated and then waved it all off as part of an average Tuesday in her life. “Well, so long as we’re not video chatting, no one has to know that our translator is a goat.”

“Sheep,” Morgan corrected. Reid bleated authoritatively. 

“Whatever. C’mon, let’s get started. Maybe we can make him tall and awkward before lunch.” Garcia swept Reid into her arms and hustled back toward her tech cave with Emily and Morgan in tow.

“Let’s hope so,” Morgan muttered. “I can write the hell outta _that_ incident report…”

Garcia hugged Reid close and then gasped, “Oh my God… he smells like _hay!_ That’s adorable… YOU are so adorable, Woolly Wonder!”

Reid just made a long, loud ‘baa’ that spanned the length of the hallway.


End file.
